{"id":1317,"date":"2012-05-04T14:02:33","date_gmt":"2012-05-04T14:02:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1317\/people-jokes\/heal-not-raise-the-dead\/"},"modified":"2012-05-01T08:56:50","modified_gmt":"2012-05-01T08:56:50","slug":"heal-not-raise-the-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1317\/people-jokes\/heal-not-raise-the-dead\/","title":{"rendered":"Heal, not raise the dead"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-6761\" title=\"funny-gay-monkeys\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gay-monkeys-400x248.jpg\" alt=\"funny-gay-monkeys\" width=\"400\" height=\"248\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gay-monkeys-400x248.jpg 400w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gay-monkeys-150x93.jpg 150w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gay-monkeys.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/>An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it&#8217;s soon time for the healing portion of the show.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on the television, and one hand on the part of your body that ails you!&#8221; The old man places one hand on the television and one hand on his groin.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Oh, don&#8217;t be stupid!&#8221; says the old woman. &#8220;<strong>He said heal, not raise the dead!<\/strong>&#8220;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1317\/people-jokes\/heal-not-raise-the-dead\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it&#8217;s soon time for the healing portion of the show. &#8220;If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1317\/people-jokes\/heal-not-raise-the-dead\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[201,222,3,21,247],"tags":[696,35,53,438,387,54],"class_list":["post-1317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-church-jokes","category-family-jokes","category-people-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","category-texas-jokes","tag-death","tag-god","tag-husband","tag-penis","tag-tv","tag-wife"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Heal, not raise the dead -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1317\/people-jokes\/heal-not-raise-the-dead\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Heal, not raise the dead -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. 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