{"id":1270,"date":"2012-09-20T08:14:02","date_gmt":"2012-09-20T08:14:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1270\/campus-jokes\/all-purpose-excuse-form-letter\/"},"modified":"2012-09-08T08:58:17","modified_gmt":"2012-09-08T08:58:17","slug":"all-purpose-excuse-form-letter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1270\/campus-jokes\/all-purpose-excuse-form-letter\/","title":{"rendered":"All-purpose excuse form letter"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"no-parking-volcano\"All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you’ve gotten in. Whenever there’s a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You’ll be surprised how effective this form can be!<\/p>\n

Dear:<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 Mom,
\nb)\u00a0 Dad,
\nc)\u00a0 Love of my life,
\nd)\u00a0 Assistant Principal,
\ne)\u00a0 Local Police Chief,<\/p>\n

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 car
\nb)\u00a0 house
\nc)\u00a0 pet
\nd)\u00a0 espresso maker
\ne)\u00a0 left arm<\/p>\n

was severely damaged by my<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 infantile
\nb)\u00a0 puerile
\nc)\u00a0 inept
\nd)\u00a0 comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
\ne)\u00a0 woefully under-appreciated<\/p>\n

prank.<\/p>\n

How could I have known that the<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 car
\nb)\u00a0 jet ski
\nc)\u00a0 large helium balloon
\nd)\u00a0 rodent-driven sledge
\ne)\u00a0 zamboni<\/p>\n

I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should nothave pointed it in the direction of your<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 house,
\nb)\u00a0 wife,
\nc)\u00a0 Cub Scout troop,
\nd)\u00a0 1\/16th-sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete
\nwith torch-light,
\ne)\u00a0 priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,<\/p>\n

you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused isbeyond my ability to<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 imagine.
\nb)\u00a0 fathom.
\nc)\u00a0 comprehend.
\nd)\u00a0 appreciate.
\ne)\u00a0 pay for.<\/p>\n

And I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly withinyour rights to<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 hate me.
\nb)\u00a0 sue me.
\nc)\u00a0 spank me.
\nd)\u00a0 take my firstborn.
\ne)\u00a0 gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the
\nfish in your koi pond.<\/p>\n

But I ask you to remember all the good times we’ve had, joshing around at<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 school.
\nb)\u00a0 work.
\nc)\u00a0 church.
\nd)\u00a0 the bowling alley.
\ne)\u00a0 the municipal jail.<\/p>\n

And to remember that I am first and foremost your<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 friend.
\nb)\u00a0 child.
\nc)\u00a0 sibling.
\nd)\u00a0 lease co-signer.
\ne)\u00a0 only possible match should you ever need a
\nbone marrow transplant.<\/p>\n

I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that<\/p>\n

a)\u00a0 was so stupid.
\nb)\u00a0 was so silly.
\nc)\u00a0 would have been funny if it worked.
\nd)\u00a0 you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
\ne)\u00a0 I’m going to use again on someone else.<\/p>\n

Sincerely,<\/p>\n

Me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you’ve gotten in. Whenever there’s a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You’ll be surprised how effective this form can be! … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[19,222,42],"tags":[164,869,607],"class_list":["post-1270","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-campus-jokes","category-family-jokes","category-kids-jokes","tag-exam","tag-excuse","tag-letter"],"yoast_head":"\nAll-purpose excuse form letter -Campus Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1270\/campus-jokes\/all-purpose-excuse-form-letter\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"All-purpose excuse form letter -Campus Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you’ve gotten in. 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Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?'' Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.'' And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bar Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Bar Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/bar-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-motorbike--first-world-lady-and-third-world-goat","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-motorbike-first-world-lady-and-third-world-goat-400x551.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":91,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/91\/animal-jokes\/not-my-dog\/","url_meta":{"origin":1270,"position":5},"title":"Not my dog","author":"JokesLab","date":"December 19, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. 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