{"id":1207,"date":"2012-06-28T12:32:04","date_gmt":"2012-06-28T12:32:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1207\/restaurant-jokes\/real-job-application\/"},"modified":"2012-06-17T04:10:05","modified_gmt":"2012-06-17T04:10:05","slug":"real-job-application","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1207\/restaurant-jokes\/real-job-application\/","title":{"rendered":"Real job application"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"man's-dream-job\"<\/a>This is an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald’s. They hired him.<\/p>\n

NAME – Greg Bulmash<\/p>\n

DESIRED POSITION – Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.<\/p>\n

DESIRED SALARY – $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION – Yes.<\/p>\n

LAST POSITION HELD – Target for middle management hostility.<\/p>\n

SALARY – Less than I’m worth.<\/p>\n

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT – My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.<\/p>\n

REASON FOR LEAVING – It sucked.<\/p>\n

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK – Any.<\/p>\n

PREFERRED HOURS – 1:30 – 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.<\/p>\n

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.<\/p>\n

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?<\/p>\n

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?<\/p>\n

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, ”Do you have a car that runs?”<\/p>\n

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.<\/p>\n

DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire.<\/p>\n

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.<\/p>\n

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.<\/p>\n

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

This is an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald’s. They hired him. NAME – Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION – Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[19,18,16,247],"tags":[729,553,105,445],"class_list":["post-1207","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-campus-jokes","category-office-jokes","category-restaurant-jokes","category-texas-jokes","tag-application","tag-employment","tag-job","tag-mcdonalds"],"yoast_head":"\nReal job application -Campus Jokes, Office Jokes, Restaurant Jokes, Texas Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1207\/restaurant-jokes\/real-job-application\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Real job application -Campus Jokes, Office Jokes, Restaurant Jokes, Texas Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald’s. 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