{"id":1186,"date":"2011-07-06T11:13:20","date_gmt":"2011-07-06T11:13:20","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2011-07-06T11:13:20","modified_gmt":"2011-07-06T11:13:20","slug":"diet-for-stress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1186\/hospital-jokes\/diet-for-stress\/","title":{"rendered":"Diet for stress"},"content":{"rendered":"<blockquote><p>Breakfast:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1\/2 grapefruit<\/li>\n<li>1 slice whole wheat toast<\/li>\n<li>8 oz. skim milk<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Lunch:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast<\/li>\n<li>1 cup steamed spinach<\/li>\n<li>1 cup herb tea<\/li>\n<li>1 Oreo cookie<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Mid-Afternoon Snack:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The rest of Oreos in the package<\/li>\n<li>2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream<\/li>\n<li>1 jar hot fudge sauce<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Dinner:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>2 loaves garlic bread<\/li>\n<li>4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke<\/li>\n<li>1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza<\/li>\n<li>3 Snickers bars<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Late Evening News:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Rules for This Diet<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>If you eat something and no one sees  you eat it, it has no calories.<\/li>\n<li>If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.<\/li>\n<li>When you eat with someone else, calories don&#8217;t count if you do not eat more than they do.<\/li>\n<li>Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.<\/li>\n<li>If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.<\/li>\n<li>Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one&#8217;s personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.<\/li>\n<li>Cookie pieces contain no calories.<\/li>\n<li>The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.<\/li>\n<li>Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.<\/li>\n<li>Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.<\/li>\n<li>Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.<\/li>\n<li>Anything consumed while standing has no calories.\u00a0 This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.<\/li>\n<li>Anything consumed from someone else&#8217;s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his\/her plate.\u00a0 (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)<\/li>\n<li>REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS  DESSERTS<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1186\/hospital-jokes\/diet-for-stress\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>Breakfast: 1\/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon Snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1186\/hospital-jokes\/diet-for-stress\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[13,16],"tags":[697],"class_list":["post-1186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hospital-jokes","category-restaurant-jokes","tag-diet"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Diet for stress -Hospital Jokes, Restaurant Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1186\/hospital-jokes\/diet-for-stress\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Diet for stress -Hospital Jokes, Restaurant Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Breakfast: 1\/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon Snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 &hellip; 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