{"id":1103,"date":"2012-10-09T10:56:27","date_gmt":"2012-10-09T10:56:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1103\/top-10-list\/things-ive-learned-from-my-children\/"},"modified":"2012-10-06T01:42:11","modified_gmt":"2012-10-06T01:42:11","slug":"things-ive-learned-from-my-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1103\/top-10-list\/things-ive-learned-from-my-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Things I’ve learned from my children"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"first-ticket-for-speeding\"1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.<\/p>\n

2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.<\/p>\n

3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.<\/p>\n

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.<\/p>\n

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.<\/p>\n

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.<\/p>\n

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh,” it’s already too late.<\/p>\n

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.<\/p>\n

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.<\/p>\n

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.<\/p>\n

11. “Play-Doh” and “microwave” should never be used in the same sentence.<\/p>\n

12. Super glue is forever.<\/p>\n

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.<\/p>\n

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.<\/p>\n

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.<\/p>\n

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.<\/p>\n

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.<\/p>\n

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.<\/p>\n

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.<\/p>\n

20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.<\/p>\n

21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 4. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[222,42,20],"tags":[1047,1274,4,46,818,59,387,662],"class_list":["post-1103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-jokes","category-kids-jokes","category-top-10-list","tag-bag","tag-ceiling-fan","tag-child","tag-dog","tag-pool","tag-restaurant","tag-tv","tag-window"],"yoast_head":"\nThings I've learned from my children -Family Jokes, Kids Jokes, Top 10 List - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1103\/top-10-list\/things-ive-learned-from-my-children\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Things I've learned from my children -Family Jokes, Kids Jokes, Top 10 List - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"1. 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