{"id":1052,"date":"2013-11-09T14:19:25","date_gmt":"2013-11-09T14:19:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1052\/office-jokes\/wal-mart-vs-heaven\/"},"modified":"2013-10-11T08:29:01","modified_gmt":"2013-10-11T08:29:01","slug":"wal-mart-vs-heaven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1052\/office-jokes\/wal-mart-vs-heaven\/","title":{"rendered":"Wal-Mart vs. heaven"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"funny-sale-sign-save-10\"I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices.<\/p>\n

Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
\nWal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors<\/p>\n

Heaven: Eternal
\nWal-Mart: Open 24 hours<\/p>\n

Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
\nWal-Mart: Where old people go when they retire<\/p>\n

Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
\nWal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone<\/p>\n

Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
\nWal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers<\/p>\n

Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
\nWal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint<\/p>\n

Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
\nWal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices<\/p>\n

Heaven: Sam Walton — now a resident!
\nWal-Mart: Sam’s choice cola — now on sale!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[304,201,18],"tags":[35,282,830],"class_list":["post-1052","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-american-jokes","category-church-jokes","category-office-jokes","tag-god","tag-heaven","tag-wal-mart"],"yoast_head":"\nWal-Mart vs. heaven -American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1052\/office-jokes\/wal-mart-vs-heaven\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Wal-Mart vs. heaven -American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. 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