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• A Ski Trip

  21 January 2008, by Editor

  Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

  Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

  Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.

  After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.

  Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It’s the Red Cross."

  Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"

• To My Loving Wife

  21 January 2008, by Editor

  A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

  In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been ’called home to glory’ following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

  To: My Loving Wife

  From: Your Departed Husband

  Subject: I’ve Arrived!

  I’ve just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

• New York Taxi Drivers

  21 January 2008, by Editor

  An Englishwoman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.

  "Mummy" the boy asked, "what are those ladies doing?"

  The mother, clearly embarassed by the question, replied: "I expect they’re lost and are asking people for directions"

  The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: "why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes."

  The mother blushed more brightly at this remark but the boy wouldn’t let it go.

  "What are prostitutes Mummy, are they like other women, do they have children too?"

  "Of course" the mother replied, "that’s where New York taxi drivers come from."

• No Rush

  21 January 2008, by Editor

  An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers after the plane has taken off, and forgets to turn off the intercom. He say to the co-pilot, "I think I’ll go take a dump and then put the make on that new blonde stewardess."

  The stewardess hears it, and runs up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on. She trips and falls in her haste.

  A little old lady looks down at her and says, "There’s no rush, honey. He said he had to take a dump first."

• Where Is This Place?

  21 January 2008, by Editor

  A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

  Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

  "My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

  The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."