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• Fair Taxation

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  Which sort of taxation is fairest?

  At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest. There was a pause, and then a white haired man in the back raised his hand. “The poll tax,” he said.

  “But the poll tax was repealed,” replied the commissioner.

  “Ay-ah,” declared the man, “that’s what I like best about it.”

• Second Notice

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

  "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

• Jokes About The IRS

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  Post Office just recalled their newest stamps: They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

  If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?

  What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.

  What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents? Skeet.

  What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent? His co-workers.

  What’s brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent? A Doberman.

  What’s the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

• Tax Deductible

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone.

  "Hello?"

  "Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?"

  "It is."

  "This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

  "I’ll try."

  "Do you know Sam Cohen?"

  "I do."

  "Is he a member of your congregation?"

  "He is."

  "Did he donate $25,000 to the synagogue rebuilding fund last year?"

  "He will!"

• We Deliver

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

  "Why don’t you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

  "It’s not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It’s these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."

  "Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."

• Hooker Tax

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution.

  The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation.

  She said she’d have to go home and think about it and that she’d call him back in a hour with her occupation.

  An hour later she called him and said, "I’ve got it... I’m a chicken farmer."

  He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution."

  She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."

• Accountant in Heaven

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

  After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."

  The accountant is perplexed. "I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.

  "It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.

  The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don’t know what you mean. I’m only 40."

  St. Peter replies, "But that can’t be right - we’ve seen your time sheets!"

• Paying Your Taxes

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

  "Thank God," returned Mr. Carr, "I thought you were going to want cash!"