Science and Technology Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• Mathematician’s Answer

  15 October 2007, by Editor

  Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I’ve got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."

  So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).

  15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You’re lost!!"

  One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician."

  Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"

  The reply: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

• A Physicist, an Engineer, and a Mathematician

  15 October 2007, by Editor

  A Physicist, an Engineer, and a Mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings.

  The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.

  The Engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.

  The mathematician runs to a chalkbaord, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There is a solution!", and then burns to death.

• Geologist

  15 October 2007, by Editor

  A man goes into a restaruant, sits down and starts reading the menu. The menu says: Broiled Accountant $9.95 per plate Fried Engineer $9.95 per plate Toasted Teacher $9.95 per plate Grilled Geologist $995 per plate

  The man calls a waiter over and asks "Hey, why does the Grilled Geologist cost so much more?"

  The waiter says, " Are you kidding? Do you know how hard it is to clean one of them?!?!"

• A Brief Guide to Scientific WORDING

  15 October 2007, by Editor
  • It has been long known...............I haven’t bothered to check the references
  • It is known..........................I believe
  • It is believed.......................I think
  • It is generally believed.............My collegues and I think
  • There has been some discussion.......Nobody agrees with me
  • It can be shown......................Take my word for it
  • It is proven.........................It agrees with something mathematical
  • Of great theoretical importance......I find it interesting
  • Of great practical importance........This justifies my employment
  • Of great historical importance.......This ought to make me famous
  • Some samples were chosen for study...The others didn’t make sense
  • Typical results are shown............The best results are shown
  • Correct within order of magnitude....Wrong
  • The values were obtained empirically.The values were obtained by accident
  • The results are inconclusive.........The results seem to disprove my hypothesis
  • Additional work is required..........Someone else can work out the details
  • It might be argued that..............I have a good answer to this objection
  • The investigations proved rewarding..My grant has been renewed-