Santa Clause Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• 10 Reasons Why Women Would Like to Be Santa Claus

  16 December 2008, by Editor

  1. There’d be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.

  2. No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work.

  3. Buy one big brown belt and you’d be accessorized for life.

  4. You’d always work in sensible footwear.

  5. You’d never be expected to make the coffee.

  6. There’d be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss.

  7. Juggling work and family would be easy. All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap.

  8. You’d never take the wrong coat on your way home.

  9. You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus.

  10. No one would ask to see your job description

• Santa - health and safety

  16 December 2008, by Editor

  Father Christmases are being sent on health and safety courses in the UK so they don’t hurt themselves while balancing children on their knees.

  Will and Guy have discovered that classes will include the correct posture to adopt in their chairs as excited youngsters queue to reel off their Christmas lists. Santa will also be taught how to lift heavy presents without doing himself an injury.

  Dozens of the one-day courses are being staged by the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health. A spokeswoman stressed, ’Of course there’s only one Santa - but hundreds of stand-ins work in stores in the run-up to Christmas.’

• Father Christmas’ Sleigh Needs a Tow

  16 December 2008, by Editor

  Santa Claus’ sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, ’Can you help me fix my toboggan, please?’

  ’Sorry,’ the car driver replied, ’I’m not a mechanic – I’m a chiropodists .’

  ’In that case,’ said Father Christmas, ’Please can you give me a tow?’ [toe]

• Speeding Santa

  16 December 2008, by Editor

  The German newspaper Munster am Sonntagg reports that a speeding Santa will have to find a new way to deliver his presents this year after German police have prosecuted him and he has received a driving ban.

  Bernhard Siewert, 36, was stopped by road traffic police near Munster while dressed as Father Christmas. He said he was only speeding because he was late for a festive party at an OAPs home where he had to give out presents.

  The police officers said they had caught him on camera driving at 92 mph in a 60 mph zone and could not ignore the law even for Santa.

  Bernhard was given a fine and a three-month driving ban.

• Santa Sacked for Smacking Boy

  16 December 2008, by Editor

  A Santa Claus is facing the sack from a Dutch shopping centre after he smacked a young boy for pulling his beard.

  Peter Hendriks hit the boy on the backside in front of dozens of shoppers in the town of Rijswijk. Defending his actions, he said: ’If I hadn’t done that, he would have pulled off my beard and dozens of children would have been traumatised.’