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• The Microsoft Waiter

  28 April 2008, by Editor

  Patron: Waiter!

  Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

  Patron: There’s a fly in my soup!

  Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.

  Patron: No, it’s still there.

  Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

  Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

  Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

  Patron: A SOUP bowl!

  Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

  Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

  Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

  Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

  Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

  Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

  Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

  Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

  Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

  Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I’m running late now.

  [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

  Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

  Patron: This is potato soup.

  Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn’t ready yet.

  Patron: Well, I’m so hungry now, I’ll eat anything.

  [The waiter leaves.]

  Patron: Waiter! There’s a gnat in my soup!

• Sushi

  28 April 2008, by Editor

  A guy walks into a chinesse restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches, the guy asks for "a table for two". As they are waiting for a table to be prepared, his wife cant help to notice a fish tank full of beutiful tropical fish.

  The wife turns to her husband and demands that she wants the same fish brought for her at home. The husband agrees and asks the waiter what the fish are called.

  The waiter replies "sushi".

• Drinking Again

  28 April 2008, by Editor

  A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual.

  The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

  Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.

  He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

  He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly. "So, you’ve been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look. "The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again."

• Wedding Cake

  28 April 2008, by Editor

  A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

  Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

  But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

  A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake"