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• A Silent Debate

  17 March 2008, by Editor

  Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe’s Latin wasn’t very good - in fact, he knew very little—but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?

  The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

  An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

  Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I don’t know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

• The Real Important People

  17 March 2008, by Editor

  The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, “Before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once.”

  “Well, here,” the limo driver says, “Take the wheel, Your Holiness!”

  Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who looks in the window, goes back to his squad car, calls dispatch and says, “I just pulled over someone real important and I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, who is it?” his dispatcher says, “The mayor? The governor? The president?”

  “I don’t know,” the officer responds, “but the Pope’s his chauffer!”

• The Honeymoon Cruise

  17 March 2008, by Editor

  A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things - condoms and dramamine, since the man gets terrible motion sickness on ships.

  So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and the man goes in to get the necessary supplies. He walked up to the counter with a plenty-pack of condoms and asked for the largest bottle of Dramamine available.

  The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked, "If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?"

• Colored Hair

  17 March 2008, by Editor

  An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

  The old man just stared.

  Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

  The young man finally said sarcastically, "What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

  Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."