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• Differences Between You and Your Boss

  14 April 2008, by Editor

  When you take a long time, you’re slow. When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

  When you don’t do it, you’re lazy. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

  When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

  When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

  When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed. When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

  When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

  When you please your boss, you’re arse-creeping. When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.

  When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

  When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick. When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

  When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

• Life at Work is Good

  14 April 2008, by Editor

  A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

  After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

  The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him."

  The boss is setting there thinking: "I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

  The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

  The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: "Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!

• Do You Know Who You’re Talking to?

  14 April 2008, by Editor

  A Man joined a big multi-national company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"

  The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?"

  "No", replied the trainee.

  "It’s the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"

  The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"

  "No.", replied the Managing Director.

  "Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

• Free Trips

  14 April 2008, by Editor

  Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference.

  At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.

  “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a Microsoft employee.

  “Watch and you’ll see,” answers the Apple engineer.

  They all board the train.

  The Microsoft employees take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

  Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

  He knocks on the restroom door and says, “ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

  The conductor takes it and moves on.

  The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

  So after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the Apple engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

  When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

  To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

  “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one perplexed Microsoft employee.

  “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an Apple engineer.

  When they board the train the three Microsoft employees cram into a restroom and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby.

  The train departs.

  Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are hiding.

  He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please…”