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• Where is God?

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

  They boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

  The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

  They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

  The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

  The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

• There’s Teacher

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  The children had all been photographed for school pictures, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

  "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ’There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ’That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’"

  A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there’s teacher; she’s dead."

• New Math?

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.

  He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that’s addition."

  In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that’s subtraction."

  Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

  And both together smiled and said, "That’s multiplication."

  Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

  He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That’s long division!"

• Grandma’s Home

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked.

  "Yes," Chris said. "She’s come to visit us for Christmas."

  "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"

  "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

• Kids Understand Love

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.

  "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

  "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

  "Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."

  "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

  "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

  "Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you’re in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."

  "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."

  "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

  "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

  "You can break love, but it won’t die."

• How To Get To Heaven

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

  "NO!" the children all answered.

  "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

  Once more they all answered, "NO!"

  "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all thechildren and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.

  Once more they all answered, "NO!"

  "Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

  A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

• Running Away

  15 October 2008, by Editor

  A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I’m running away from home!"

  The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?," he said.

  "Then I’ll come home and eat!," bravely declared the child.

  "And what if you run out of money?"

  "I will come home and get some!," readily replied the child.

  The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"

  "Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.

  The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home; he’s going off to college."