Issue 77 (2010-12-15) Christmas Jokes and Funny Santa    Subscribe in a reader

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• Cannot Get Up the Chimney

  15 December 2010, by Editor

  One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde.

  She said "Santa, will you stay with me?",

  Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

  So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

  "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

  She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

  Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can’t get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

• Gift for Wife

  15 December 2010, by Editor

  A man is looking for a Christmas gift for his wife, and after walking through the mall for hours he gives up and goes to the bar.

  He sees a good friend of his sitting at the bar, so he goes over to him and says, " I will buy you a drink if you can give me some ideas about what to buy my wife for Christmas."

  His friend replies, "I got my wife a pair of slippers and a great vibrator. Worked for me!”

  The man wasn’t sure what to think of his friends extraordinary idea and looked at him with a quizzical gaze in his eye.

  His friend explains that if she doesn’t like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.

• Santa is a Man

  15 December 2010, by Editor
  

• Feedback from Santa

  15 December 2010, by Editor
  

• How to Rob a Snowman

  15 December 2010, by Editor
  

• Santa Plane

  15 December 2010, by Editor
  

• Best Christmas Gift for Wife

  15 December 2010, by Editor
  

• Bad Santa

  15 December 2010, by Editor
  

• Things You Can Only Say at Christmas

  15 December 2010, by Editor

  1. I prefer breasts to legs

  2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

  3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

  4. If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!

  5. I’ve never seen a better spread!

  6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

  7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

  8. It’s a little dry - do you still want to eat it?

  9. Just wait your turn - you’ll get some!

  10. Don’t play with your meat.

  11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

  12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?

  13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!

  14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

  15. How long will it take after you put it in?

  16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.

  17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

  18. That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!

  19. I’m so full - I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning.

  20. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want more!

• Christmas Card

  15 December 2010, by Editor

  This elderly couple was sitting on the couch together. All of a sudden, the old man said, “What ever happened to our sexual relations?”

  His wife thought for a moment and replied, “You know, I don’t think they even sent us a Christmas card this year!”