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• Microsoft Car

  20 August 2007, by Editor

  At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

  In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

  2. Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull ove r to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.

  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

  5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.

  6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protect ion fault" warning light.

  7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.

  9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

  10. You’d have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.

• Right Click

  20 August 2007, by Editor

  Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Desktop."

  Customer: "Ok."

  Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

  Customer: "No."

  Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

  Customer: "No."

  Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

  Customer: "Sure, you told me to write ’click’ and I wrote click’."

• Windows Vista Error Messages

  20 August 2007, by Editor

  1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

  2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

  3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

  4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

  5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

  6. Windows message "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

  7. This is a message from God Gates "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

  8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"

  9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

  10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

  11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

  12. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

  13. Runtime Error 6D at 417A32CF Incompetent User.

  14. Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

  15. WinErr 16547 LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

  16. User Error. Replace user.

  17. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found. Remove it? (Y/N)"’

  18. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.