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• Acronyms of the Computer Industry

  12 November 2007, by Editor
  1. PCMCIA People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
  2. ISDN It Still Does Nothing
  3. APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
  4. SCSI System Can’t See It
  5. DOS Defunct Operating System
  6. BASIC Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
  7. IBM I Blame Microsoft
  8. DEC Do Expect Cuts
  9. CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
  10. OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too
  11. WWW World Wide Wait
  12. MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash. If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
  13. PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
  14. COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
  15. AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
  16. LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
  17. MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
  18. WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
  19. GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out
  20. MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (and) Teenagers

• Self Fix

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that, probably, the printer only needed to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself.

  Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

  "Actually it’s my boss’s idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

• Bill Gates’ Punishment

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.

  Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I’ll take this option."

  "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

  As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

  "That’s what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

  "The bottle has a hole in it!"

  "What about the PC?"

  "It’s got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

  "And it’s missing three keys,"

  "Which three?"

  "Control, Alt and Delete."

• A Software Engineer, A Hardware Engineer and A Branch Manager

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

  "I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

  "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

  "Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."