Boys and Girls Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• The Difference Between a Good Girl and a Bad Girl

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  Good girls wear white cotton panties...
  Bad girls don’t wear any.

  Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
  Bad girls say, "what’s for breakfast?"

  Good girls never go after another girl’s man...
  Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

  Good girls wax their floors...
  Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

  Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot...
  Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

  Good girls make chicken for dinner...
  Bad girls make reservations.

  Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
  Bad girls know they could do better.

  Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
  Bad girls never do either, unless he’s very, very rich.

• The Class Reunion

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  A guy goes to his high school class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five years he’s very curious as to who might show up.

  When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down and talk about the past.

  "How have you been?" he asks. "I’ve been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though."

  "Bad news first, please."

  "Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy." "Oh my, that’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear that."

  "But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!"

• The Men’s Thesaurus

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  "I’M GOING FISHING"
  Means: "I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

  IT’S A GUY THING"
  Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

  "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
  Means: "Why isn’t it already on the table?"

  "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
  Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

  "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
  Means: "I have no idea how it works."

  "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
  Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

  "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD".
  Means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

  "THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR."
  Means: "Are you still talking?"

  "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
  Means: "I remember the theme song to ’F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

  "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
  Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

  "OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL."
  Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt."

  "HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING".
  Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

  "I CAN’T FIND IT."
  Means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless."

  "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
  Means: "What did you catch me at?"

  "I HEARD YOU." "I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

  "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
  Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

  "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
  Means: "Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving."

  "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."_
  Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

  "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
  Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

• The 5th Floor

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

  The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works... "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside."

  So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

  The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

  They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

  They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

  On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome."

  The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

  There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!