Tag Archives: woman

Expensive perfume

pussy-and-cat

A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, ”Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very … Continue reading

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First class blonde

funny-stupid-hat

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section. The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman … Continue reading

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Recruiting

skyy-vodka-how-to-get-woman

A highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get … Continue reading

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Never trust a woman

sexy-kung-fu-girl

Q: Why can you never trust a woman? A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and does not die?

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Never argue with a woman who reads

book-bathtub

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to … Continue reading

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Woman language

shit-slogan-my-boyfriends-wife-hate-these-boobs

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN’T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? There is no way in hell I’m going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine,again. I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. … without you in … Continue reading

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Chemistry men & women

crazy-guy-checking-girls-breast

Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.  Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.Difficult to find a pure sample.  Due to rust, aging samples are unable … Continue reading

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Feel like a woman

girls-fishing-with-bra

I’m sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when all of a sudden the captain comes on the loudspeaker and tells us that the plane is about to crash land into the mountains. The next thing I know this woman … Continue reading

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3 wishes of a government worker

funny-old-gentleman-and-boobs

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c’mon, I’m sure there’s one buried in your desk too.) Since he’d heard these jokes before, he knew that he … Continue reading

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Pantyhose

sexy-photographer

Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

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TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND…

hsexy-girl-hugs-for-25cents

10. Cats’ facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds 7. Fat clothes 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time 5. The … Continue reading

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I just love the ballet

funny-and-sexy-ads-mens-underwear-jbs

A woman wearing a tank-top sits down at a bar and raises her hand to gain the bartender’s attention, exposing a tuft of underarm hair that had not seen a razor in months. The bartender, noticing the sickened look on … Continue reading

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Room 1221

photobomb-i-enjoy-masterbating

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into … Continue reading

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Girls can get as many as they want

funny-toilet-mural

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day passing an 8 year old girl’s house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up his football and … Continue reading

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Golf and G-spots

tennisball-field-staring-at-boobs

What’s the difference between golf balls and the G-Spot? Men go looking for Golf balls

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Mow the lawn

date-stamp-no-need-to-ask-age

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis … Continue reading

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Romantic pink slip

crazy-guy-checking-girls-breast

Dear __________________________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right.  As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make … Continue reading

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Old whore

funny-photo-woman-and-pooping-dog

A whorehouse gets busted. The girls are lined up out front, and a cop is going down the line giving them all tickets. A little, old lady approaches one of the girls at the end of the line and asks, … Continue reading

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Stranded on an island…

funny-shoes-bicycles

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, … Continue reading

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Embarrass an archeologist

wearable-nintendo

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from!

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