Tag Archives: wife

Girlfriend 1.0 -> Wife 1.0

new-york-giants-fan-showning-buttocks-and-ball

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 … Continue reading

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Difference between woman and dog

mimi-skirt-girl-fuck-you

What’s the difference between a woman and dog at your front door? The dog will stop barking once you let it in!

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Grounds for divorce

funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property.” “I mean,” he continued, “What are your … Continue reading

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Watch out for the wall

woman is less important than  bicycles!

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. … Continue reading

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The engineer’s love life

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said, “I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The … Continue reading

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Hold this stuff for a while

your-third-shoes-king-size-condom

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ”I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says, ”WHAT??” The wife explains … Continue reading

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Rejected

terrosists-in-beach

These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, “I can’t let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.” Dejected, he turned and … Continue reading

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After all, I was married to her for 40 years

photobomb-hairy-belly

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the … Continue reading

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Heal, not raise the dead

funny-gay-monkeys

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it’s soon time for the healing portion of the show. “If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on … Continue reading

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Ten dollars is ten dollars

funny-toilet-sign-little-red-hood-and-wolf

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, ”Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Martha would say, ”I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs … Continue reading

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A free wonderful weekend

funny-guy-with-sexy-game-girl

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. … Continue reading

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Husband detector

funny-poster-kick-your-ass

What do you call a women who knows where her husband is each night? A widow

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Difference between men and women

funny-man-with-two-girls

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never … Continue reading

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Singing parrot

funny-wrong-job-music-player

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot. ”It’s beautiful!” cried the man, ”Does … Continue reading

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Ready to go home

funny-erection-in-progress

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it, looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. Which he chugged, then looked into his pocket, and asked for another beer. This … Continue reading

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Why do wives live longer ?

funny-feminist-shoes-naked-man-as-heel

Why do wives live longer than their husbands? Because they aren’t married to women!

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Beard

funny-man-in-thong-in-beach

A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the guys to the joys of copulation. Her friend tells her that to win his love, she must make more … Continue reading

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Go get your mother

funny-scene-big-john

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a near-by mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls moved apart and back together again by themselves. The lad asked his Father, ”What … Continue reading

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Waiting for autumn

funny-model-i-kick-your-ass

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, “What are … Continue reading

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Surprise

photo-bomb-naked-man

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in … Continue reading

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