Tag Archives: police

Designated decoy

drunken-sleeping-girls-i-want-more

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, waiting for a bust. At closing time, everyone came out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking … Continue reading

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Emergency brake

funny-bicycle-for-couple

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am,” said the cop, “I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. … Continue reading

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Shoot the pig

sexy-police-girls-policewoman

A farmhand is driving ’round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, “Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my … Continue reading

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Best excuse for speeding

dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped … Continue reading

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How are you feeling?

why-dog-is-better-than-boy-friend

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene … Continue reading

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Parrot talk

funny-bird-pooping-on-people

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, … Continue reading

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Bilingual dog

funny-horny-dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. “Well,” says the personnel director, “You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.” Sitting down at the typewriter, the … Continue reading

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Blonde and Cop

funny-blonde-parking

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. ”You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next … Continue reading

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Tail Light on Bike

funny-dog-and-puppet

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, “Nice bike you’ve got there. Did Santa bring that to … Continue reading

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Three blondes changing a light bulb

funny-pose-group-sex-girls

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonder: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonder: Yes. Operator: And the … Continue reading

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Cowboy in the theater

funny-feminist-shoes-naked-man-as-heel

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. … Continue reading

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Tale of the two dead boys

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight, Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot … Continue reading

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Donuts

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says. “Your eyes are awfully glazed — have you been eating doughnuts?”

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Polish Remover

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, “How sure are you … Continue reading

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Cross examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of … Continue reading

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Actual police quotes

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write … Continue reading

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TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: “TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00.” A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to … Continue reading

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Texas thug athletes

If two Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who’s driving? The cops.

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I am not a drunk driver

A cop pulls over a car that’s been swerving across the lanes of a road. “Get out of the car, please.” “But I’m not drunk, officer!” “Listen, it doesn’t matter if you’re drunk or not. If you don’t get out … Continue reading

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Blonde detectives

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a … Continue reading

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