Tag Archives: lawyer

Where are you going to find a lawyer in the heaven?

cheater-girl-with-boyfriends-friend

There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ”Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been … Continue reading

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Guess who?

the-best-place-for-fishing

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ”Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and … Continue reading

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Lawyer brains

funny-revenge-pee-to-your-neighbours-car

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says ‘brains for sale.’ He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says ‘Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 … Continue reading

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Cross-examining

funny-bush-picking-up-phone

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? … Continue reading

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Santa, tooth fairy, drunk, and lawyer

funny-headstone-stupid-and-with-stupid

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are … Continue reading

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Lawyer buddy

cheater-girl-with-boyfriends-friend

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they’re off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, … Continue reading

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Hijacking lawyers

funny-protester-peeing-on-riot-police

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

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A clever lawyer

funny-wrong-job-fun-car-operator

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can … Continue reading

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Lion, Tiger and Lawyer

funny-dog-bag

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he’s dead.

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How are you feeling?

why-dog-is-better-than-boy-friend

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene … Continue reading

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Buried Lawyers

honest-begging-need-money-to-get-drunk-and-get-molested

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

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I love hearing it

funny-Japanese-bra-cone

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.” The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want … Continue reading

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A teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the … Continue reading

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A blonde may be smarter than a lawyer

funny-shoes-ad-converse, i wear my shoes

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely … Continue reading

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Cross examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of … Continue reading

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Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer’s funeral?

Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer’s funeral? There are only two handles on a garbage can.

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Open season on lawyers!

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing … Continue reading

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The Lawyer’s Funeral

A man is at his lawyer’s funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?” A man turns towards him and says, … Continue reading

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Lawyer partner

A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. “Jack, I’ve got to confess. I’ve been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I’m the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I’ve been … Continue reading

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A lawyer and a politician

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.

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