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Tag Archives: heaven
Spelling
A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. … Continue reading
Wal-Mart vs. heaven
I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged God, heaven, Wal-Mart Leave a comment
Question for lawyer
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes Tagged accident, heaven, lawyer, St. Peter, teacher, thief, Titanic Leave a comment
We judge on results
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, People Jokes Tagged driver, God, heaven, priest, taxi Leave a comment
Wishes
Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked,”When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say … Continue reading
Posted in Car Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes Tagged accident, car, God, heaven, wishes Leave a comment
Recruiting
A highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged accident, employment, heaven, hell, recruiter, St. Peter, woman Leave a comment
Howard be thy name
A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter. “Welcome!” he says. “Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Kids Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged blonde, heaven, name, question, St. Peter Leave a comment
Rejected
These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, “I can’t let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.” Dejected, he turned and … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged beer, heaven, husband, marriage, money, St. Peter, wife Leave a comment
Where are you going to find a lawyer in the heaven?
There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ”Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged court, God, heaven, hell, lawyer, Satan, St. Peter, worker Leave a comment
Bill Gates in hell
Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter said to his, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”. … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Computer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged beach, Bill Gates, computer, demo, heaven, hell, screen saver, St. Peter, woman Leave a comment
Men in heaven
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Short Q & A Tagged God, heaven, hell, man, woman Leave a comment
Today you are staff
A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, “You’ve shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.” “I don’t know!” she flounders. … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged boss, business, employee, heaven, hell, man, Santa, St. Peter, staff, woman Leave a comment
Meals on wheels
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful — she had to sleep in cold back … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged cat, food, heaven, mouse, pillow, skate, sleep Leave a comment
Two nights only
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. Doctor: ”I … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged doctor, executive, health care, heaven, hospital, nuese, St. Peter Leave a comment
One good deed
A guy just died and he’s at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin’ through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the Book several times and furrows … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, People Jokes Tagged car, fight, girl, heaven, man, rape, rapist, St. Peter Leave a comment
How to get into heaven?
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all … Continue reading
Posted in Campus Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Kids Jokes, People Jokes Tagged child, church, classroom, heaven, teacher, wife Leave a comment
Einstein, Picasso and Bush
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Politician Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged Albert Einstein, blackboard, chalk, George Dubya Bush, God, heaven, Picasso, St. Peter Leave a comment
Baseball in heaven
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?” … Continue reading