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Tag Archives: God
Life pattern
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Your Momma Jokes Tagged Adam, apple, child, Eve, God Leave a comment
He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged God, pee, refrigerator, toilet Leave a comment
Holding for ransom
Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of presents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray. “God, i have been a child of perfection this year. I … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Christmas Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged Christmas, gift, God, kid Leave a comment
Wal-Mart vs. heaven
I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged God, heaven, Wal-Mart Leave a comment
God sues Satan, Satan laughs, why?
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes Tagged engineer, God, lawyer, Satan, St. Peter Leave a comment
If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes Tagged church, God, husband, sex, sleep, wife Leave a comment
The eve of creation
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” God asks her. “Lord,” she says, “I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged Eve, God, man Leave a comment
The lost chapter in Genesis
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. So God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged Adam, God, man, rib, woman Leave a comment
Who’s he going to tell?
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Sports Jokes Tagged God, golf, priest, St. Peter Leave a comment
We judge on results
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, People Jokes Tagged driver, God, heaven, priest, taxi Leave a comment
Wishes
Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked,”When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say … Continue reading
Posted in Car Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes Tagged accident, car, God, heaven, wishes Leave a comment
What did Eve say to Adam when she didn’t want any more children?
A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked “Who created the Earth and man?” The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Country Jokes, Family Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged Adam, child, church, Eve, God, sleep Leave a comment
Adam and Eve
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged Adam, brain, Eve, God, love, skin Leave a comment
God is missing
Two 6 year old boys were attending religious school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave – time outs, notes home, missed recesses – but could do nothing with them. Finally the boys … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Computer Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged child, God, priest, school Leave a comment
Family history
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. “How did I get here, Mommy?” she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, “Why God sent you, Honey.” “And did God send you too, Mommy?” she continues. … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged child, daughter, family, God, mother, sex Leave a comment
Was Jesus Jewish,Irish, Purerto Rican, Italian, Californian, or Black?
PROOF THAT JESUS WAS Jewish: 1. He went into his father’s business. 2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God. PROOF … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, British Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Country Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged brother, California, God, Irish, Italian, Jesus, Jewish, marriage, mother Leave a comment
Letter to God
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send … Continue reading
Posted in Kids Jokes, Office Jokes, Politician Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged boy, Geoge Dubya Bush, God, letter, money Leave a comment
Where is the God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged boy, child, church, God, priest Leave a comment
God will save him
It was flooding in California. As the flood waters were rising, a man was on the stoop of his house and another man in a row boat came by. The man in the row boat told the man on the … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, People Jokes Tagged America, boat, California, flood, God, helicopter Leave a comment
Drawing God
A Kindergarten teacher was walking around the classroom observing the students while they were drawing. Stopping at the desk of one little girl who was working hard on her drawing, the teacher asked what the girl was drawing. The girl … Continue reading
Posted in Campus Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged drawing, girl, God, kindergarten, teacher Leave a comment