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Tag Archives: drink
Sandy was drinking at a pub
Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes Tagged bar, bed, drink, sleep, wheelchair, wife Leave a comment
Safety competition award
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. ”What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked. … Continue reading
Posted in Car Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, Police Jokes Tagged car, drink, police, safety Leave a comment
Bush and his daughters
Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble with the law for underage drinking, the President has lectured them constantly about the evils of alcohol. His daughters were tired of having the same conversation week after week, so they finally … Continue reading
Posted in Campus Jokes, Family Jokes, Politician Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged daughter, drink, Geoge Dubya Bush, sex, underage Leave a comment
Horse identification
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?” The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Bar Jokes, Redneck Jokes Tagged animal, bartender, drink, horse, redneck, tail Leave a comment
Only when he’s drunk
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Car Jokes, Family Jokes, Police Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged car, drink, husband, lamp, license, police, wife Leave a comment
I am married to your sister
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan and decides to hide in the … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged drink, husband, marriage, Satan, sister, wife Leave a comment
Golden urinal
A man comes home late one night, drunk. “Where have you been?” asks his wife. “In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!” This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged bar, drink, golden, husband, saxophone, urinal, wife Leave a comment
You left your wheelchair at the bar again
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. “Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried … Continue reading
Your guts
There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man’s wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts. One day the wife cut … Continue reading
I just love the ballet
A woman wearing a tank-top sits down at a bar and raises her hand to gain the bartender’s attention, exposing a tuft of underarm hair that had not seen a razor in months. The bartender, noticing the sickened look on … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged ballet, bar, drink, hair, leg, woman Leave a comment
Texan baby
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds. “WOW!” was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes, Office Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged baby, bar, circumcision, drink, Texas Leave a comment
Sex with parrot
One day there was a teenage punk-rock boy who decided to go to the local shopping mall. He had just about the craziest hair-do you could imagine. His hair was spiked into chunks all over his head, and each spike … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged boy, drink, hair, parrot, sex, son, teenage Leave a comment
Drink by date on the bottom
A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she’s doing. “Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom.”
Posted in Blonde Jokes, Office Jokes, Short Q & A Tagged blonde, can, coke, drink, taste Leave a comment
Feed the goldfish
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ”Now, what do I give them … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, People Jokes Tagged animal, blonde, brunette, drink, fish, food, goldfish Leave a comment
It’s an hour fast!
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, “Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.” “Thanks, says the guy, “It’s the cutting … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Computer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged bar, computer, drink, girl, man, panties, technology, watch Leave a comment
Drinking buddies
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says “So where are you from, then?” “I’m from Ireland.” … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, British Jokes, Family Jokes, New York Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged bar, beer, drink, Irish, New York Leave a comment
Santa, tooth fairy, drunk, and lawyer
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are … Continue reading
Designated decoy
A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, waiting for a bust. At closing time, everyone came out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Car Jokes, Police Jokes Tagged car, decoy, drink, driving, police Leave a comment
Hymn #365
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged beer, church, drink, Hymn, river, sermon, wine Leave a comment
Party talk
A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ”If you were my husband I would poison your drink.” The man replied, ”If you were my wife I would drink it.”
Posted in Bar Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Restaurant Jokes Tagged drink, husband, man, party, poison, wife, woman Leave a comment