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Tag Archives: church
Move your cat
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Miscellaneous Jokes, People Jokes Tagged cat, church, door, woman Leave a comment
If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes Tagged church, God, husband, sex, sleep, wife Leave a comment
Buy lotto
A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business.” She didn’t win. So the next day she … Continue reading
Posted in Blonde Jokes, Church and God Jokes Tagged blonde, car, church, house, lotto, ticket Leave a comment
Devil in the church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged church, marriage, Santa Leave a comment
B.C.
A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant was planning a week’s vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes, Your Momma Jokes Tagged camping, church, toilet Leave a comment
What did Eve say to Adam when she didn’t want any more children?
A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked “Who created the Earth and man?” The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Country Jokes, Family Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged Adam, child, church, Eve, God, sleep Leave a comment
Toilet brush
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag door prize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. ”What the hell is this?” he asks the pastor. ”Why, it’s a toilet brush.” … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes Tagged church, paper, pastor, toilet brush Leave a comment
Where is the God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged boy, child, church, God, priest Leave a comment
Three hymns
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Your Momma Jokes Tagged church, donation, Hymn, man, pastor, sex, woman Leave a comment
Hymn #365
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged beer, church, drink, Hymn, river, sermon, wine Leave a comment
Parrot talk
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Church and God Jokes Tagged animal, car, church, game, parrot, pet, police, talk Leave a comment
How to get into heaven?
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all … Continue reading
Posted in Campus Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Kids Jokes, People Jokes Tagged child, church, classroom, heaven, teacher, wife Leave a comment
Cowboy Joe
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” … Continue reading
Posted in Bar Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged car, church, cowboy, usher, woman Leave a comment
Top ten things you never hear in church
10. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew. 9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 7. I’ve decided to … Continue reading
The seventeenth chapter of Mark
A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ”Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the … Continue reading
Prayer for the winning
What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it!