A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. " Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile ...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife ...
Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spouse abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad cheques 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses 3 have been arrested for assault 71 cannot get ...
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket". The man said "When I was at the ...
A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out ...
When you take a long time, you’re slow. When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human. When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping ...
A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are ...
Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong! Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: Without Atlanta we're Alabama Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave ...
When I was growing up I was so poor if I wasn't a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died. The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember ...
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yells the other. "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. "Together, together!"
Man: Doc, you've gotta help me. I'm hearing voices but I don't see people. Doc: And when are you hearing these voices? Man: When I'm on the telephone.
80,000 blondes are gathered for a Blondes Are Not Stupid convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus ...
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her. The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?'' The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!'' The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I ...
1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to ...
Bob is a regular guy and he is out at a local bar one night having a good time. Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink and as he did Bob spoke up. 'Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya?' 'Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind.' 'Well ...
One day a blonde was sitting on a plane next to one of those smart businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway. He says, “It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong ...
A Brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says,''You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much.'' The woman says,''Okay. Give me a nice house.'' The genie replies, ...
Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes? Because they leave to answer the door.
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