Category Archives: Police Jokes

Cowboy in the theater

funny-feminist-shoes-naked-man-as-heel

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. … Continue reading

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Tale of the two dead boys

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight, Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot … Continue reading

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Donuts

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says. “Your eyes are awfully glazed — have you been eating doughnuts?”

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Condit arrest

What will the FBI say when they go to Gary Condit’s house to arrest him? “Mr. Condit, come out with your pants up!”

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Polish Remover

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, “How sure are you … Continue reading

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Cross examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of … Continue reading

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Just A Juggalo

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says. “Why do you have … Continue reading

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Last wish

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely. The next morning the man was brought … Continue reading

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Actual police quotes

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write … Continue reading

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TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: “TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00.” A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to … Continue reading

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Texas thug athletes

If two Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who’s driving? The cops.

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I am not a drunk driver

A cop pulls over a car that’s been swerving across the lanes of a road. “Get out of the car, please.” “But I’m not drunk, officer!” “Listen, it doesn’t matter if you’re drunk or not. If you don’t get out … Continue reading

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Blonde detectives

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a … Continue reading

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