Category Archives: Hospital Jokes

jokes on health, hospital, medical, well being, doctors, nurses, patients

From beautiful to cute

funny-shirt-couple-his-and-hers

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had … Continue reading

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Blonde suicide

preparing-his-gun

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. “How did this happen?” the doctor asked. “Well I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “Trying to commit suicide by shooting … Continue reading

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Not allowed up on the furniture

why-dog-is-better-than-boy-friend

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem. “Doctor, doctor! I’ve got this problem,” the man said. “I keep hallucinating that I’m a dog. It’s crazy. I don’t know … Continue reading

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Why did you eat him?

funny-kid-i-pad-myself

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office. He inquisitively asked the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?” She replied, “I’m having a baby.” With big eyes, he asked, “Is … Continue reading

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Hilarious signs

funny-shit-slogan-i-dont-need-sex

Over a gynecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.” On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” Pizza shop … Continue reading

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How do you like that?

funny-blow-job

A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram. He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says, “Are you my daddy?” The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the … Continue reading

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Mad cow

funny-blonde-parking

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, ”So what do you think of mad cow disease?” The other replies, ”I dunno, I’m a chicken.”

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Cross-examining

funny-bush-picking-up-phone

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? … Continue reading

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Psychiatric Hotline

funny-photo-curb-your-enthusiasm

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. “If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. “If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.” “If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.” “If you are paranoid-delusional, … Continue reading

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Two nights only

funny-failed-ads-smoking

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. Doctor: ”I … Continue reading

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Millennium Computers

funny-scene-i-did-pisa-tower

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, ”Congratulations sir, You’re the father of twins.” ”What a coincidence,” the man said with some … Continue reading

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Circumcision

funny-shit-slogan-i-shit-my-pants

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, “Hey Tim, what’re you in for?” “I’m getting … Continue reading

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Bad luck

funny-and-sexy-ads-mens-dream

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to,he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he … Continue reading

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Oreo personality test

funny-shadow-illusion-not-breast-just-cups

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight in to their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once. 2. One bite … Continue reading

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bartender is better than psychiatrist

shit-slogan-fbi-female-body-inspector

Jackson went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. … Continue reading

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Insane asylum fence

horny-monkey

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can’t help … Continue reading

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Sick Leave

funny-hair-style-for-sleep-in-office

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of … Continue reading

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Cough cure

funny-curious-dolphin

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed … Continue reading

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Hermaphrodite

funny-shit-slogan-i-shit-my-pants

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, ”I have something to tell you about your child…” The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, … Continue reading

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A great surprise

shit-slogan-fbi-female-body-inspector

A ret ired man went to a doctor for a general check-up. The doctor told the retiree that everything was fine and that, in fact, he was”in real good shape for a man of 93.” “That’s good to know because … Continue reading

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