Category Archives: Hospital Jokes

jokes on health, hospital, medical, well being, doctors, nurses, patients

Price of heart

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money … Continue reading

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White House visitor

funny-shit-slogan-i-dont-need-sex

What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist.

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They won’t let you fart

funny-celebration-smoking-and-longevity

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a … Continue reading

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Undertaker

funny-sex-harasssment-funny-party, funny statue

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to … Continue reading

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Below your left breast

baby-likes-the-big-boobs

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get … Continue reading

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Hot bath

book-bathtub

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, … Continue reading

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Register wedding gifts

funny-and-sexy-condom-ads-long-pleasure-condom

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses … Continue reading

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Blonde on a diet

how-yoga-girls-use-laptop

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days — “Eat anything and everything you … Continue reading

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Get your oil changed

funny-old-gentleman-and-boobs

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby … Continue reading

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Gassy granny

photo-bomb-mating-animals

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least … Continue reading

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Gynecologist work

three-girls-without-underwear

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he’d become a mechanic. So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was … Continue reading

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Blonde pregnancy

doggie-style-pants

What does a blonde say when she finds out she’s pregnant? Are you sure it’s mine?

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Medical term and plain English

funny-shirt-huge-pen-or-huge-penis

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English … Continue reading

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A Brief History of Medicine

book-bathtub

A short history of medicine: I have an earache. 2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. – That root is heathen, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. – That … Continue reading

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Mow the lawn

date-stamp-no-need-to-ask-age

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis … Continue reading

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The advantages of being a doctor

funny-pose-touch-my-breast

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A doctor?” “And why’s that?” “Because it’s the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill.”

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Urine test

baby-likes-the-big-boobs

Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. “Why are you crying?” asked the other child. “I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.” When he heard this, the … Continue reading

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Having to face the fact

funny-shirt-huge-pen-or-huge-penis

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, after looking through your test results I’m happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples. Girl: Wow! That’s great! Why? Dermatologist: There’s no more space.

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Corpsalicious!

funny-professor-and-female-students

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ”There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don’t fear anything.” After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up … Continue reading

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Good news and bad news

football babe

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: “Well, let me have the bad news first.” Doctor: “You have … Continue reading

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