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Category Archives: Hospital Jokes
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote … Continue reading
Man: Doc, you’ve gotta help me. I’m hearing voices but I don’t see people. Doc: And when are you hearing these voices? Man: When I’m on the telephone.
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, ”Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” ”Well,” … Continue reading
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you … Continue reading
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males … Continue reading
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate … Continue reading
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, “We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking … Continue reading
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened. “The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron.” “What about the other one?” “They called back.”
There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor. The doctor said, ”Where are you hurting?” She said, ”Everywhere. See?” She touched her arm and said, “OUCH!” She touched her leg and, “OUCH!” She … Continue reading
One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that he’d been given a … Continue reading
There was an old man in a nursing home who always fell out of his wheelchair. Finally, the nurses decided to do something about it, so they appointed a nurse to watch him all the time. He started to lean … Continue reading
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your … Continue reading
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over … Continue reading
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news. Patient: Go with the good news first. Doctor: You have 24 hours to live. Patient: What?! How about the bad news? Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. … Continue reading
1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2) You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3) The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4) Your man is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5) You’re … Continue reading
A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, ”Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.” ”Well, how much does a brain cost?” asked the relatives. ”For a male brain, $500,000. … Continue reading
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”. The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants. … Continue reading
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him what happened. “Well, it’s like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round … Continue reading
Two guys are sharing a hospital room. “What are you in for?” “I’m getting a circumcision.” “Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year!”