Category Archives: Christmas Jokes

jokes on Christmas, Santa Claus

Bad education

Bad education

Its Christmas at a normal family’s home…. 4 year old sister, mom, dad, 16 year old sister and 14 year old brother. Mom in the kitchen stuffing the turkey. All of a sudden turkey falls off counter and mom goes … Continue reading

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Cannot go up the chimney

Cannot go up the chimney

Santa is putting presents by the tree when he hears a woman’s voice say “Santa will you please come sit with me?” Santa turns and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her couch in a very sexy gown. Santa says … Continue reading

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Screw light bulb

Screw light bulb

How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The Bible makes no mention of light bulbs.

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Stand in line for that too

funny-dogs-queue-for-peeing-on-a-tree

During a busy Pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport, a crowded flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on … Continue reading

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Rate your Chrsitmas party

free-blow-job-if-you-buy-coke-here

Next time, make sure your party reaches the correct “Festivity Level….” Festivity Level One: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling on … Continue reading

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Father Christmas gift

funny Santa: clean your fuck chimney

Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, ’from Father Christmas.’ A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no … Continue reading

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Top ten things to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like…

funny-photo-bomb-daughter-and-angry-mother

10. Hey! Now there’s a gift! 9. Well, well, well… 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches … Continue reading

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Holding for ransom

funny condom ad, endrosed by the Pope

Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of presents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray. “God, i have been a child of perfection this year. I … Continue reading

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Santa Claus and Bubba Claus

funny-shopping-bag-watermelon

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming … Continue reading

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Wonderful time

cheater-girl-with-boyfriends-friend

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. After making love, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her … Continue reading

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Redneck Christmas shopping

funny-drinking-cheers-in-commencement

You know you’re a redneck when… you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.

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Funny and real instruction labels…

funny-girl-i-love-to-fart

ON A HAIR DRYER: Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap. ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving … Continue reading

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A sign of the times

finally signoff  icq in the grave

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”  

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