Category Archives: American Jokes

Things people really said in court

checking-boyfriend-bird

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? … Continue reading

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cat scan and lab tests

hot-dog-mating-monkey

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body … Continue reading

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Job interview

hairdo-for-sleeping-in-office-or-class

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for. “In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” … Continue reading

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The most confusing day

public-entrance

What is the biggest day of confusion in West Virginia? Father’s Day.  

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He wasn’t dead yet

public-entrance

George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming, “Dick Cheney hanged himself in his bathroom!” Colin Powell says “Oh, No! Did you cut him down?” “Cut him down?” asks George W. “How could I cut him down? He wasn’t … Continue reading

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TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX….

funny-and-sexy-condom-ads-long-pleasure-condom

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get … Continue reading

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Performance evaluations

terrosists-in-beach

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this employee to breed. 3. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a … Continue reading

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They won’t let you fart

funny-celebration-smoking-and-longevity

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a … Continue reading

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Why I am so tired?

hairdo-for-sleeping-in-office-or-class

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of this country is 237 … Continue reading

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FBI will do it for you

shit-slogan-fbi-female-body-inspector

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Allen, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his … Continue reading

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Undertaker

funny-sex-harasssment-funny-party, funny statue

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to … Continue reading

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Bad weather

cheater-agirl-with-two-guys

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch … Continue reading

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Horse’s ass

ducks-crossing-road

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by … Continue reading

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We judge on results

funny-pose-fucked-by-the-bishop

A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading

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the Pope is his driver

funny condom ad, endrosed by the Pope

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. “Driver? Can I drive for a while?” “Sure,” says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the … Continue reading

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Honeymoon spaghetti

funny-man-and-woman-before-marriage

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, “Waiter! Waiter! Come over … Continue reading

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A man with no ears

checking-boyfriend-bird

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. … Continue reading

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FedEx UPS merger

facebook-bra

Did you hear about the FedEx-UPS merger? The new company’s gonna be called FedUp!

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Lucky you

sexy-girls-sun-bath-in-car-park

“My wife is an angel.” “Lucky you. Mine’s still alive.”

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We’re going to get help

clown-hot-balloon

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. ”Good Lord!” he screamed, ”one of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked … Continue reading

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