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Category Archives: American Jokes
Things people really said in court
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Short Q & A, Texas Jokes Tagged birthday, court, lawyer, memory, question Leave a comment
cat scan and lab tests
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Animal Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Veterinarian Jokes Tagged cat, dog, fee, lab, money, test, Veterinarian Leave a comment
Job interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for. “In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Campus Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Science Jokes Tagged car, engineer, interview, MIT, money, salary Leave a comment
The most confusing day
What is the biggest day of confusion in West Virginia? Father’s Day.
He wasn’t dead yet
George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming, “Dick Cheney hanged himself in his bathroom!” Colin Powell says “Oh, No! Did you cut him down?” “Cut him down?” asks George W. “How could I cut him down? He wasn’t … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged Dick Cheney, George Dubya Bush, rope, suicide Leave a comment
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX….
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Top 10 List Tagged sex, top 10 list Leave a comment
Performance evaluations
1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this employee to breed. 3. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Office Jokes, Top 10 List Tagged employee, employment, performance, top 10 list Leave a comment
They won’t let you fart
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Your Momma Jokes Tagged chair, fart, mother, nurse Leave a comment
Why I am so tired?
For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of this country is 237 … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Country Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged government, joke, office, population, work Leave a comment
FBI will do it for you
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Allen, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Country Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes, Police Jokes Tagged body, FBI, potato, prison, son Leave a comment
Undertaker
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Hospital Jokes, People Jokes Tagged dentist, dinner, speaker, teeth, undertaker Leave a comment
Bad weather
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged fishing, sex, weather, wife Leave a comment
Horse’s ass
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, British Jokes, Office Jokes, Politician Jokes, Science Jokes Tagged ass, horse, railroad, standard Leave a comment
We judge on results
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, People Jokes Tagged driver, God, heaven, priest, taxi Leave a comment
the Pope is his driver
One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. “Driver? Can I drive for a while?” “Sure,” says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Car Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Police Jokes Tagged car, driver, police, pope Leave a comment
Honeymoon spaghetti
Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, “Waiter! Waiter! Come over … Continue reading
A man with no ears
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Computer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged accident, computer, contact lense, ear, interview Leave a comment
FedEx UPS merger
Did you hear about the FedEx-UPS merger? The new company’s gonna be called FedUp!
Posted in American Jokes, Miscellaneous Jokes, Office Jokes, Short Q & A Tagged FedEx, merge, UPS Leave a comment
Lucky you
“My wife is an angel.” “Lucky you. Mine’s still alive.”
Posted in American Jokes, Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Short Q & A Tagged alive, angel, husband, luck, wife Leave a comment
We’re going to get help
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. ”Good Lord!” he screamed, ”one of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes Tagged airplane, engine, explode, parachute, passenger, pilot Leave a comment