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Category Archives: American Jokes
Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spouse abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad cheques … Continue reading
Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong! Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and … Continue reading
Bob is a regular guy and he is out at a local bar one night having a good time. Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink and as he did Bob spoke up. ‘Hey Jack, … Continue reading
A wounded American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq tells the nurse: “I wish I could kiss the American flag if I am going to die!” Nurse, extremely touched by the soldier’s patriotism: “Actually, I have the American flag … Continue reading
Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps while California has all the lawyers? Because New Jersey got first pick!!
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, “We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking … Continue reading
10. I think of you as a brother.Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance.’ 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don’t want to do my dad. 8. I’m not attracted to you … Continue reading
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? … Continue reading
Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of presents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray. “God, i have been a child of perfection this year. I … Continue reading
I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading
If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming fire has the right of way Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire There is always a way That way is always mined Try to look unimportant; they might be low … Continue reading
There was an old man in a nursing home who always fell out of his wheelchair. Finally, the nurses decided to do something about it, so they appointed a nurse to watch him all the time. He started to lean … Continue reading
Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper. 3:00 A.M. Leave for deep woods. 3:15 A.M. Drive back home and pick up gun. … Continue reading
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. ”Why are you eating grass?” … Continue reading
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”. The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants. … Continue reading
A man had tickets to see the Gold Medal Volleyball Match at the Olympics, front row, center court. As he sits down, a woman comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. “No,” he … Continue reading
Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I … Continue reading
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and … Continue reading
If Oracle made toasters… They’d claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you’d discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and … Continue reading