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Category Archives: Church and God Jokes
Life pattern
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Your Momma Jokes Tagged Adam, apple, child, Eve, God Leave a comment
The guardian angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. ” Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged angel, marriage, street Leave a comment
Move your cat
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Miscellaneous Jokes, People Jokes Tagged cat, church, door, woman Leave a comment
Spelling
A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. … Continue reading
A child’s pray
One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.” The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Kids Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged child, father, pray Leave a comment
English Jesus
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Essex, England? Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin!
Wal-Mart vs. heaven
I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged God, heaven, Wal-Mart Leave a comment
Deleted characters
Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC? ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Computer Jokes, Country Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged computer, IBM, PC Leave a comment
God sues Satan, Satan laughs, why?
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes Tagged engineer, God, lawyer, Satan, St. Peter Leave a comment
If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes Tagged church, God, husband, sex, sleep, wife Leave a comment
The eve of creation
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” God asks her. “Lord,” she says, “I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged Eve, God, man Leave a comment
The lost chapter in Genesis
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. So God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged Adam, God, man, rib, woman Leave a comment
Buy lotto
A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business.” She didn’t win. So the next day she … Continue reading
Posted in Blonde Jokes, Church and God Jokes Tagged blonde, car, church, house, lotto, ticket Leave a comment
Bush, Einstein and Picasso
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Politician Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged Albert Einstein, Geoge Dubya Bush, Picasso, St. Peter Leave a comment
Question for lawyer
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes Tagged accident, heaven, lawyer, St. Peter, teacher, thief, Titanic Leave a comment
Bill Gates’ punishment
Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Computer Jokes, People Jokes Tagged Bill Gates, computer, St. Peter Leave a comment
To my loving wife
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Computer Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes Tagged email, Florida, funeral, window Leave a comment
Devil in the church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged church, marriage, Santa Leave a comment
Priests on a Hawaiian vacation
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes Tagged beach, bikini, priest, woman Leave a comment
Who’s he going to tell?
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Sports Jokes Tagged God, golf, priest, St. Peter Leave a comment