Author Archives: JokesLab

Wife knows everything

Wife knows everything

For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. No longer need them — damn wife knows everything!!

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Mr. or Mrs. Computer?

Mr. or Mrs. Computer?

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., “Steady as she goes”, or”She’s listing to starboard, Captain!”). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should … Continue reading

Posted in Campus Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Science Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Top 10 reasons why cats are small women in fur coat

Top 10 reasons why cats are small women in fur coat

1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. … Continue reading

Posted in Animal Jokes, Kids Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to bath a cat

How to bath a cat

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open … Continue reading

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How do blonde braincells die?

How do blonde braincells die?

Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone.

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Move your cat

Move your cat

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and … Continue reading

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Help me get this human out of my ass

Help me get this human out of my ass

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass.”

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Insurance salesman

Insurance salesman

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. “Sorry, we don’t need anyone…” they replied. “You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!” “Well, we have two prospects that no one … Continue reading

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Relationship guide

Relationship guide

For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes … Continue reading

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Mother in law

Mother in law

A man’s house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. … Continue reading

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Bad education

Bad education

Its Christmas at a normal family’s home…. 4 year old sister, mom, dad, 16 year old sister and 14 year old brother. Mom in the kitchen stuffing the turkey. All of a sudden turkey falls off counter and mom goes … Continue reading

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Cannot go up the chimney

Cannot go up the chimney

Santa is putting presents by the tree when he hears a woman’s voice say “Santa will you please come sit with me?” Santa turns and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her couch in a very sexy gown. Santa says … Continue reading

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Airline food

Airline food

It was mealtime on a small airline and the stewardess asked the passenger if he would like dinner. “What are my choices?” he asked. She replied, “Yes or No.”

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The fruits of love

The fruits of love

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were … Continue reading

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In that big red truck!

in that big red truck!

There was a blonde whose house was on fire. She calls the fire department screaming, ”Help me, help me. My house is on fire. Please!” The fire department operator says, ”Okay, okay. Calm down and we’ll be there soon. How … Continue reading

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1000 Valentine cards

1000 Valentine cards

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and … Continue reading

Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Valentine's Day Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

A cheap dinner

A cheap dinner

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 15 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays. After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and … Continue reading

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Hearing problem

Hearing problem

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, ”Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” ”Well,” … Continue reading

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Spelling

Spelling

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. … Continue reading

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Solitary confinement: anybody got a match?

Solitary confinement: anybody got a match?

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they’re all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They’re each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of … Continue reading

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